Sunday, August 9, 2015

For you.

Saturday, May 2, 2015

Losing a family member is hard. Losing a family member you know you could have tried to help is even harder.

Yes, I understand death is hard for most people, especially if it was a person you knew very well. I just don't understand the fact that Mormons and other religious groups have this thing about heaven and seeing your family again after their body is dead. I can't stand that they get to be so naive to think that after a person has died and been embalmed or cremated that the spirit that used to be their grandmother or their dog is up in the clouds waiting to see them again. That their soul and spirit lives on until you can go meet them in heaven and see their cool mansion and unlimited happiness. I think they believe in things that are unrealistic and childish. It's like the thought of death has made them want to go back to when they were innocent children and run to daddy and ask why everything can't be perfect and why they can't be shielded like when they were young. I hate that I have to cry myself to sleep 60% of the time because I know that I will never see that person again, ever. All I have left is material possessions, memories, and pictures. 

Sometimes I think about being some sort of religious again because I can't let go of the people I love the most. Since I left the church, I have thought so much about people and what happens when a person you loves leaves you forever in a physical sense, and what I would ever do if that happened. I think, in some cases, I will never be able to get through it, no matter what. I think about the person that passed away and think "I could have helped them, if I had just been more attentive, less selfish, less clueless." I could never go back to religion, though. There are too many questions that I want definite answers to, and too many answers that don't make any sense. I look into a religious congregation and all I can see is followers instead of leaders, children instead of adults, and robots instead of real people. They all recite and sing to and about a god that doesn't exist and read words written by people who decided to make up things that never really happened for their own benefit.

I hope (if you decided to read this far) that I'm helping you in some way. I hope I can help open your eyes and your mind to different views and help you understand why I organized religion can be very harmful to the mind, and to your view of reality.

If you are reading this blog because you have doubts about your Mormon beliefs, let me direct you to the places that helped me make my decision:


Wednesday, April 2, 2014

So the other day I brought my Atheist boyfriend to a Mormon church service. The Bishop was traveling for work, so one of the counselors was leading. He started normally, making announcements and going through the program step-by-step. A new family had just moved into the ward, and he called the names of the Molly Mormon Mom and Dedicated Dad and their three perfect children Moroni, Ruth, and Joseph. Then he asked the congregation to show their welcoming votes by raising their right hands. Now, I was just going through the motions and I raised my hand with everyone else. As it was happening, it wasn't so different, but I looked around when everyone had their hands up, and I was shocked. I put my hand down with everyone else, and I looked over at my boyfriend, and he looked like he had just seen a ghost. I felt the same way.

Now, I have to say, before this incident I just thought the church was full of crazy people who were starved for something to defend. Starved for something to throw their life into and be the excuse for why they couldn't drink or smoke, even though they know they would try such blasphemous things if they weren't so scared of judgement. I don't care who you ask, every Mormon is afraid of judgement, whether it's god or man. But that's a different story for a different day.

When I saw his face, I saw a few things, confusion being the main emotion. There was also some fear, and it seemed like he thought the next order of business was going to be the human sacrifice. He looked like he wanted to stand up and run, and I couldn't blame him. I wanted to grab his arm and whisper into his ear "Don't look them in the eye." and sprint to the door. But we didn't. We just sat there looking at each other with wide eyes. Anyone on the outside would think someone we knew just died and we couldn't speak, but we were silently communicating. Should we stay, should we go? I broke the silence and simply said to him "I used to have my doubts about it, but you were right. This is a cult." After that, the testimony sharing started.

  My mother had invited my siblings and I, and all of our "significant others". I guess since everyone was there, she felt she had to say something about it to everyone else. She cried her testimony out about how she loved seeing all of her children in the same place at the same time and how Jesus made it happen; the usual.  When someone made a reference my boyfriend didn't understand,  he whispered a question in my ear, and I would answer it in the least crazy sounding way possible. A man went up to the podium and started talking about how his son was just baptized and how much of a commitment it was, and he said something that puzzled my boyfriend, but I wasn't paying attention. He was just another guy close to tears talking about how much he believes in Joseph Smith and the power of baptism, blah blah blah. But my boyfriend leaned over to me and asked "What's that all about?" I asked him what he meant, but he didn't want to have to explain it and have my parents think he was rude for talking in church, so we were quiet.

 After it was over, my family went on to their usual activities, and we went out to the car alone to talk about this experience we had. I asked him about what had confused him during the testimony and he explained that the man had said something along the lines of  "I'm glad my son has decided to make this decision to be baptized, and then strive to understand what this commitment means." He asked why it was in that order. He was raised in the Church of Christ, so no one gets baptized before they are at least 11 or 12, and never before they fully understand what that commitment means. They go through weeks, months, and even years of study before they make the decision to commit their entire life to Christ. For Mormons, it's just something ever 8-year-old does. It's like learning how to read or write. It happens no matter what, and if you don't learn, your peers will think you weren't raised right.

 For him, the meeting just raised questions about basic things. I had the same questions he did, but it wasn't because I didn't know the answers, it was because I only knew the answers that the church taught me. After that, my view of the members went from "They just want something to believe in." to "They have all been brainwashed." Even though it was extremely depressing to know this, because my family is so committed to it, I had a refreshed feeling knowing that I could question, because I knew that everything they teach is absolutely wrong. Eating, drinking, and being merry is fantastic. Drugs and alcohol are two experiences teens should have. Sex shouldn't be dictated by a man in a suit that you have never met who thinks he is the only person on earth that can talk to god.  Having parties that include loud music and crazy dancing don't make your children love Satan. And single mothers aren't helpless women that need men to live a normal life and raise their kids. And if you are a single mother and you think like that, I just have to say that I am sorry you don't realize how strong you are.

If you are reading this blog because you have doubts about your Mormon beliefs, let me direct you to the places that helped me make my decision:


Saturday, December 28, 2013

Alright, so I've been thinking a lot, and the church not only gives a lot of responsibility to people who can't handle it,  but they give them unrealistic expectations. Like, for example, all of the women are supposed to have babies, and  lay at the feet of their husbands, and all of the husbands are supposed to be able to support the family 100% of the time. Or maybe that all of the women love to knit and soothe screaming children, and when the husbands come home, dinner is made and all of the children are lined up with shining faces. Not every  family is this way, but I have heard it from more than a few leaders in my years of being a Mormon. Im not sure why they want to "take away" , for lack of a better statement, the rights of women. Im no feminist, but I can't stand the way they push "worthy families" If there is a single mother, they want her to be out and meeting men to find someone who can help support the family. That is great, it's stressful being a single mother, I was raised by one most of my life. The problem is the fact that my mother is on her third marriage and the one she has picked as "the keeper" is a terrible father. He wasnt married until his mid-40's and has never even been engaged. He fell in love with my beautiful, energetic mother and turned her into, well, him. He says things like "when you move out, we'll get nice things." Yes, children ruin furniture and put stickers on your car windows, lets think about the fact that they are only 8, and have had enough stress in their childhood. You were supposed to be the stable in this crazy family. I feel like the LDS church split my parents up by their unrealistic expectations of a healthy, "worthy" marriage. And then they simply pushed her into getting married again to have the support she needed. I feel she should have waited until she found the right person, or the one that suited her best, but if she had that mindset, I would have never been born, so... there you go.

If you are reading this blog because you have doubts about your Mormon beliefs, let me direct you to the places that helped me make my decision:


Wednesday, October 2, 2013

From confused to happy in 3 short months.

I was talking to a friend about starting my own blog, so, here I am. My name is Kelsey and I recently left The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (the Mormon church) and became an Atheist because of the many conflicts in the church teachings, and the expectations of the members. I always thought of the members in the church as 2 groups: the people who were born into it and don't know any different, and the converts who have been tricked into thinking that the relief they are feeling from becoming sober and being financially stable (because of the word of wisdom and tithing) is because of the Holy Ghost and Jesus Christ. Of course, there are a lot of other brainwashing techniques that the church uses, but I can't name them all. I'll run out of room. But anyways... I was born into Mormonism in Utah, and my parents split up when I was very young, which I also believe has to do with the church and it's ridiculous expectations, but that's a story for another day. After the split, my mom kept all of the kids and moved back to where all of her family was, and my dad followed a job across the country. I'm now a freshman in college and my major says I'm going for Early Childhood Education, but I can honestly say I have no idea what I want to do with my life. To me, that's not a bad thing at all. I'm just figuring out who I am with this lifestyle change, and this past summer I met a person who changed my life for the better, and for privacy purposes, I'll refer to him as Jason. I met him on a website called reddit, and at first he was just one of the 20+ messages I got after I posted, so I sent him the reply I had sent to at least 10 other people (My name, and a general introduction) and we hit it off pretty well. Now, if you would have told me beforehand that this Jason guy was going to turn me away from the church teachings and into a heathen, I would have probably ran as fast and as far away as possible from him (figuratively speaking, of course.) But I stuck around, and I'm glad he didn't become one of the lost conversations in my phone because I would still be confused, depressed, and Mormon. Now I look at everything in my life in a different way, and I accept people so much better. Instead of thinking of ways to defend my religion and convert people, I think of ways to make other people happy, including myself. This marks the 3rd of many, many months of finding myself, exploring the world, and being the person I've always wanted to be.

If you are reading this blog because you have doubts about your Mormon beliefs, let me direct you to the places that helped me make my decision: